the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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