I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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