you traded sex for a burrito?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
