weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
