i was rollin on her like bob the builder
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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