I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
