you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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