Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
