Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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