and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
