The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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