I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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