your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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