I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
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dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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