Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
