im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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