She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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