Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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