great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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