remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
