Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
