Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Life is so much better after having sex.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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