I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
