I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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