Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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