i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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