Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
from now on my penis is your penis
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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