Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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