Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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