Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
