she was so not down for the gang bang
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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