then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
