First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
