May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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