i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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