god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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