I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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