Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
