you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
