Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
thus making me awesome and them whores
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
