this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ketchup is God's man juice
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
