It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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