we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My feet surprised me
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