He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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