i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
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dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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