I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
