I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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