I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
