Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
