I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
