Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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