Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
