am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
