he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Randomize
