you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
