tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
