you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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