we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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