Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
