I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
