you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
