Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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