This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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