Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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