I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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