You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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