where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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