the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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