last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
