I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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