I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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