I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
